Happiness
Today’s top news is - gasp! - Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce shared a kiss after the Chiefs’ big win. And in quite a Camelot moment, Travis expressed that he loves Taylor.
But this is really weird to me: Their loving relationship seems to trigger a lot of people. Why? I wondered.
Maybe because people are sad and depressed about themselves. They are unhappy and don’t know how to BE happy.
I’ll tell you how I found out how to be happy, not just for a moment, but consistently. We humans are imperfect. There’s no way to live a constantly blissful life but you can strive to be happy as much as humanly possible.
I was depressed as a teenager.
The feeling that I had no control over my own life overwhelmed me so much that at the age of 18, I decided to change everything.
I’d attended Michigan State University for two years. Poetry with Carolyn Forche, Creative Writing with Betty Dickinson (I don’t know if she was related to Emily, but she was amazing,) Creative Writing with Albert Drake, an inspirational Foreign Film class focusing on the works of Francoise Truffaut and Ingmar Bergman. These classes and professors ignited my hope of a future in the Arts. Lo and behold, I’m now a poet-filmmaker, and my work has been seen by millions of people over the past four decades.
On the day that we students were obligated to sign up for the next year’s classes, I headed over to the Administration building, and with pen poised over the paperwork, my inner voice took over.
“No.”
I set the pen down and walked out of the building, down the steps, back to my bicycle, and then I rode back to my dorm. The decision had been made: My college career was over. A sparkling, new life awaited.
The Universe Works With Your Desires
From that moment on, in voicing my desire to leave college and head west to be a writer (my mantra since I was a freshman in high school) the universe seemed to move me like a checker on a board towards fulfilling that dream.
An acquaintance on campus mentioned he was going to drive a truck from Flint to Seattle to deliver it to the couple who had purchased it. Then he would hitchhike to San Francisco from Seattle. “Want some company?” I asked him.
The answer was yes.
All that ensued from Point A to Point B was fodder for a memoir I wrote that’s been sitting in a file cabinet for nearly 50 years.
I lived in San Francisco for two years before realizing that my true home was San Diego, where I’ve lived “happily ever after” since 1977. Toss in the soulmate I met on Valentine’s Day of 1982 (we’ll be celebrating 42 years together this year: 42 in 24, interesting numbers, no?) and you can see that after suffering a few gouges, scrapes and bruises that life throws everybody’s way, I have found my bliss.
What’s Your Bliss?
In the fast-paced whirlwind of life, finding genuine happiness can often feel like deciphering an ancient treasure map that’s missing crucial pieces. It’s faded and crumbling, written in an indecipherable language, and you feel like crumpling it up and tossing it into a trash bin.
Don’t despair!
It’s really not that complicated.
Define Your Own Happiness: First, sit down and write a list of what brings you joy. Focus on the people who make you laugh, the activities that you look forward to, whatever brings you pleasure. See if any sort of a theme arises. Avoid saying things like “I’ll be happy when…..” or using the word “can’t” in your vocabulary. Realize that there is only here and now.
Embrace Mindfulness: Happiness often eludes us when our minds are preoccupied with the past or future. Practicing mindfulness, through activities like meditation or simply being present in the moment, can help you appreciate the beauty of the present and break free from the chains of unnecessary worry. Learn how to meditate. You don’t have to travel to an ashram in India to do this. Guided meditation videos abound online.
Patty is really into trees! I find it most beneficial to get outside in Nature, sit in the shade of an old tree preferably near water source and simply breathe deeply.
Cultivate Gratitude: Gratitude is a powerful force that can shift your focus from what's lacking in your life to what you already have. Make a habit of expressing gratitude daily, whether through journaling or simply acknowledging the positive aspects of your day. This simple practice can have a profound impact on your overall sense of happiness.
Nurture Relationships: Human connections play a pivotal role in our pursuit of happiness. Invest time in building and maintaining meaningful relationships with family, friends, and loved ones. These connections provide support, love, and a sense of belonging that contribute significantly to a fulfilling life. Devote less time to “toxic” people who seem to suck your energy.
Engage in Passionate Pursuits: Discover and pursue activities that ignite your passion. Whether it's a hobby, a creative outlet, or a career path that aligns with your interests, engaging in activities you love can bring a profound sense of purpose and satisfaction. This is also a great way to meet others who share a love of these pursuits.
Learn from Challenges: Life is filled with challenges, but each obstacle is an opportunity for growth. Instead of viewing setbacks as roadblocks, see them as lessons. Embracing a growth mindset allows you to navigate challenges with resilience, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and content life. And although self-deprecation is adorable in the comedy realm, don’t get down on yourself. Congratulate yourself for acquiring new life lessons. And move on to the next life lesson.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that perfection is an unattainable goal, and everyone faces setbacks and flaws. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would offer to a friend, and watch as your relationship with yourself transforms positively.
Live Authentically: True happiness comes when you live in alignment with your authentic self. Embrace who you are, with all your strengths and imperfections. Striving to be authentic in your thoughts, actions, and relationships allows for a genuine and fulfilling life.
Avoid negative rhetoric: You are at the helm of your life. And it’s you who manifests the life you live, whether positive or negative. So take control, have faith in yourself, and be careful what you think, because the universe is listening.
Therapeutic tools: Sometimes you need someone to guide you through the process of finding yourself. In my case, I consulted with psychotherapists at critical junctures of my life. There is no shame in seeking guidance. Take advantage of resources that can help you improve your life. Live your best life and be grateful for it.
"When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." - Paulo Coelho